RIP David

I always feel bad for the first evictee. Still fresh in our minds are those cheesy videos where the guests express their excitement to enter the Big Brother house. They’re thinking about their summer of adventure, friendship, and the pursuit of a half million dollars! But don’t be so quick to unpack, because one unlucky house guest has to be the first one evicted. Often times, this is just bad luck. The first HoH challenge wasn’t really your game, or the ‘in-crowd’ has been decided, and you didn’t make the cut. There’s a certain amount of luck involved in Big Brother, and the first evictee is just the person who drew the shortest straw.

Not this time though. This year our first evictee was David, a 25 year-old lifeguard/surfer from San Diego. He lives with his parents and he has the IQ of a boiled egg. His strategy was to, and I quote, “be myself and let my good looks carry me to the end.” Well, he stuck to his strategy, and it got him a one-week shomance with Aaryn (this week’s HoH who is out for revenge), but it looks like he overestimated the value of his good looks in the Big Brother house.

In his short time in the house, David did make some history. He became the first contestant to fail to spell a word in the spelling competition. Let me be clear...I’m not saying he attempted a word and spelled it incorrectly. I’m saying, when he was asked to reveal the word he spelled, he didn’t have one. Why? Well...remember when you were in fourth grade, and you were stumped by a word on your spelling test, so you looked around the room to see if it was written somewhere on the wall? Well, rather than collect letters and derive a word from what was available like the rest of the house guests, David looked at the Big Brother banner, saw the word ‘Competition’, and thought, “I can’t lose! I have the answer sheet!” Who knew, confining himself to one possible word from the beginning of the competition was a bad idea, and he failed to collect all the letters. But hey! You made history David!

Unfortunately, we’ll have to hear about this boiled egg until his xenophobic girlfriend is evicted, or her blood thirst is quenched, whichever comes first (my money is on the former). Because like I said, she’s out for revenge. You made quite the impression in one short week, David. RIP.

- Mark